We Begin At The End

He smiled watching her cool confidence and remembered how it intimidated him when he first saw her. She seemed impeccable and it made him feel inadequate in comparison. He remembered meeting her for the first time; he knocked at her door and waited while she spoke hurriedly on the phone and held up a finger asking him to wait. He had introduced himself timidly and she smiled softly as if scared that he’d be spooked. He was thrown into a sea of new faces and hers was among one of them.

It took a while before he stopped feeling like he wasn’t good enough; afraid that he was a fraud.  The truth was; in time she was the person who opened his eyes to his own potential. All it took was one special moment after which they both laughed for ten minutes straight. It got a whole lot better then and though he feared he’d do something to mess it up, she was always kind and warm never judging and never admonishing. She answered all his questions; sometimes before he even voiced them. She encouraged him to ask more, never making it seem silly or unwarranted even though he asked the same things ever so often.

They never spoke much in depth, each lead completely different lifestyles and had too few things in common but one day in a random conversation they had connected and a spark was lit, one look and she smiled as if she had read his mind. From that day, the talks increased and so did her smiles. It was a slow burn, never too hot but just enough to keep him warm.

He had heard about the thing where all you need is one look and you just know but had never actually witnessed it in action until her. There was nothing he could say that didn’t seem to interest her. She would absorb what he had to say as if what he said was the most interesting thing she had heard all day.  Sometimes he spoke too fast and she’d have to backtrack, but when she eventually caught up, she would nod her head and a slow smirk would begin to form that would flame into a full-blown laugh.

Almost everyone he knew was in awe of her and the first few days he wondered why that was but over the years he realized that awe was completely justified. And somewhere along the way even he fell in awe. And though he wanted to tell her, he knew that theirs wasn’t a relationship like that.

Then his world shifted, its foundation was torn and when he had nothing to cling to she was there; just like she always had been. Though nothing had changed for her, she knew what he never asked and was there when he needed her most.

On days when he couldn’t see, she was always there just waiting to show him the way, helping him take that one step further. She didn’t know what happened, he never spoke about it, but somehow she knew what he needed even when he was too afraid to ask. Those days when it was just him and his thoughts she weaseled through and left him smiling for the rest of the day.

She may never realize what she did but she’d done so much for him. When his soul seemed wretched like a drought stricken land, she tended to it and made it new again. She was a breath of air after a heavy rain, something completely surprising in this dusty and dry land.

Though she never said much, the subtlest look was enough to speak the words she hadn’t voiced. Her eyes said everything her lips could never say. He began to understand that every twitch of her lips held a thousand laughs and he could see them all in her eyes. They crinkled at the corners when she was happy and formed dark pools of tar when she was infuriated.

Though their moments together were brief, whenever she appeared he felt a buzz unlike he had ever known. Even his family was awe of her but maybe that’s just because everything he’d described made her seem like a familiar figure.

They had reached a point of completing each other’s sentences like a pair of infatuated teenagers when he got the news; She had to go. For a minute he just stared ahead not ready to believe it. Her sister interrupted them with her own conversation of how much she’d miss her when she left. He didn’t get a chance to ask her the truth. So he kept his silence but when he looked at her, he saw the truth in those large expressive eyes.

He knew how she felt; he saw the distress in her eyes. And though, never again did he bring it up nor did they voice out how they felt, he heard everything she had to say. It seemed like somehow the things that were the most important didn’t require any words and yet were perfectly clear. He saw her light that had lit up his world begin to recede into itself. Though she tried not to show it, he recognized the desolation behind the façade of indifference. He tampered down the need for more and accepted it for what it was. Somberly he smiled at her and made a corny joke just to see her eyes light up the tiniest fraction and then he knew he would miss seeing that spark.

It seemed unfair that they took her when they could’ve chosen anyone else but that was life. Maybe she was meant to be more; do more and save many more like him. Now he’s here and she’s so far, he can still feel the heat but they’d never get burned. Months passed and though she was not far, it seemed like she was miles away.

Though there was not much reason for them to meet, fate seemed to have other plans. Just when he thought it was all a dream and luck was never on his side, in she waltzed with a smile in her eyes and a smirk on her lips. And just like that he smiled again and felt the spark burn brighter than ever before. Neither of them had expected to meet but it’s a small world after all and they were both in for a treat.

Some days he texts her and some days she calls and when they do, it’s more than they ever did before and its everything he needs to light him up from within. So maybe, they were not meant for the past because, it probably was not meant to last. Maybe, their fire needed to be smothered almost completely before it found its heat, because now, their flame burns brighter than he ever hoped it would. He doesn’t know what the future holds for them because they never really did begin, but what they have now is all that they need; because maybe, just maybe they are meant to begin at the end.